


If the only other option's letting go (I'll stay vulnerable)

by PhoenixAD



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Friendship, This is me dreaming we'd ever get to see anybody on this show express their feelings, and me dreaming we'll ever get to see Severide & Brett as friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:46:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27810226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixAD/pseuds/PhoenixAD
Summary: title taken from Vulnerable by Selena Gomez.official summary coming later.
Relationships: Stella Kidd/Kelly Severide, Sylvie Brett & Matthew Casey, Sylvie Brett/Matthew Casey
Comments: 55
Kudos: 154





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'll start this off by saying I know this isn't the most realistic story, but hey, who turns to fanfiction for realism? I basically started this as wanting to writing something involving Severide and Brett being friends and it just off... snowballed? I don't know. It's absolutely nothing like my original plan, but I had fun with it anyway.

“We better go do inventory, Mackey.” Sylvie announced as she saw Matt walk in the common room, quickly standing up. 

“Oh, okay.” Mackey jumped up to follow her. 

Stella watched them go, then looked to her roommate; Matt sighed, rubbing his hand over his face, then turned back towards his quarters. 

It wasn’t the first time Stella had noticed Matt and Sylvie avoiding each other in the past two shifts, or more specifically, Sylvie avoiding Matt; it was an extreme 180 from the past few months. 

Stella had assumed Sylvie would talk to her when she was ready, but it had been a week already, and it’s not like Matt was going to explain what was going on, not to her anyway. Maybe to Kelly, but even that was a toss up. 

“Hey.” Stella walked into Kelly’s quarters, closing the door behind her. “Has Casey mentioned anything to you about Brett lately?”

“You mean about how she flees the moment he walks in the room?” Kelly hadn’t even looked up from the incident report in front of him. “No.” 

“I wonder what the hell happened.” 

“You’re more likely to get the answer from Brett than I am from Case.” Kelly shrugged.

“You’re not curious?” Stella paused as bells went off, but it was an Ambo only call. “He’s your best friend.”

“Not enough to risk pissing Casey off by asking, no.” 

“I’m gonna ask Sylvie when they get back.” Stella sighed. “This is ridiculous.” 

“Stella, they’re adults. They can work their own shit out.” 

“I’d say the evidence suggests otherwise.” Stella laughed. “And look, I know he’s your best friend and my boss and all, but if I find out he broke my best friend’s heart, I can’t promise I won’t punch him.” 

“Yeah, okay.” Kelly laughed. “Good luck with that.” 

* * *

“Brett!” Stella was waiting on the apparatus floor when ambulance 61 pulled in; as soon as Sylvie climbed out of the driver’s side, Stella grabbed her hand and pulled her to the turnout room, just as she had done to her a couple shifts earlier. “What the hell is going on?” 

“What do you mean?” Sylvie knew what she meant, she just didn’t want to talk about it; she wasn’t sure she could, not without bursting into tears. 

“I’m not blind, Sylvie. You’re avoiding Casey. What happened?” 

Sylvie sighed, promising herself she wouldn’t cry. “What I always knew would happen.” 

“I’m gonna need some more to go on here.” 

“He came to my apartment after I had avoided him on shift. I kissed him.” 

“Okay...” Stella was waiting for the part that would cause Sylvie to avoid Matt like the plague. “Then what?” 

“And then I asked him about Gabby.” 

Stella resisted the urge to groan, because _of course_ it was about Gabby. What else could it have been? She should’ve known. 

“I asked what he’d do if she were to come back and asked him to go with her, and he said he didn’t know, and that it was more complicated than that.”

Now that, that didn’t make sense to Stella; he didn’t know if he’d leave with Gabby? He wouldn’t even leave to go visit Gabby, an invitation she knew he’d received from her. 

“Wait, what?” 

“I always knew he was in love with her. She was the love of his life. We all stood there and listened as he called his miracle when he was afraid he wouldn’t make it out of that one fire.” Sylvie was focusing all her energy on not crying; she’d cried enough over the past week, and she sure as hell wasn’t about to do it in the turnout room on shift. “I can’t compete with that, and I don’t want to compete with anybody. I deserve better than always being worried he’d chose her if she came back.” 

“Oh, hon, of course you deserve better, and I’m so proud of you for knowing that.” Stella pulled Sylvie into a hug. “I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better, but all I’ve got is that I love you, girl.”

“I love you too.” Sylvie sighed. 

“Okay, listen, I know a girl’s day won’t solve everything, but it might make you feel a little better.” Stella exclaimed. “Saturday, okay? Casey’s starting a new construction job, he’ll be out of the apartment all day. We can bake junk food and watch trashy TV.” 

“Okay.” Sylvie forced a laugh as bells went off, another Ambo call. “Sounds good.” 

* * *

Stella had watched Sylvie leave and barely resisted the urge to storm into Matt’s quarters and yell at him; confronting her Captain about personal issues while on shift probably wasn’t the best idea, but she wouldn’t hesitate once they were in the apartment. 

She’d spent ten minutes calming herself down before she left the turnout room for her boyfriend’s quarters. 

“Oh, I don’t like that look.” Kelly remarked as soon as she walked in. 

“I’m going to smack that man.” Stella exclaimed. “Maybe it’ll smack some damn sense into the idiot.” 

“Maybe you should just sit down and calm down for a few minutes before you do something stupid.” Kelly laughed. 

“This is me calm. Five minutes ago my plan was to go screaming into his office and punch him in the face.” Stella stated. “Now I’ve calmed down to I’m going to yell at him when we get home and smack some sense into him. He’s a damn idiot, and he’s been acting like Prince freaking Charming all year, basically guaranteeing Sylvie would fall in love with him, and then he says he doesn’t know what he’d do if Gabby came back? No, he doesn’t get to get off the hook. She won’t call him out on it but I will.” 

Kelly sighed; he understood Stella’s protective streak, especially when it came to Sylvie, but he also knew that if Matt had really hurt Sylvie, he was already beating himself up over it. 

“I really think we should just stay out of it, Stella.” 

“Hell no.” Stella retorted. “And don’t you dare try to take his side. You know I’m right. He’s being an idiot. He’s not in love with Gabby anymore and we both know it.” 

“Just leave me out of the fight when it goes down.” Kelly sighed. 

* * *

“Calm down.” Kelly mumbled, watching Stella pace the length of their kitchen; they’d come straight home after shift ended, and there was no sign of Matt yet, which had given Stella more time to work herself up. 

Stella’s eyes looked up at the sound of keys in the door and Matt stepped inside, shrugging his jacket off. 

Matt felt eyes on him and looked at both his roommates. “What?” 

“What the hell is wrong with you, Matt Casey?” Stella snapped. 

“Sylvie finally talked to you.” It wasn’t a question; Matt knew that as soon as Stella had found out what happened, she’d tear into him. 

“Yeah, she did.” Stella shook her head. “How could you do that to her?” 

“Do you think I wanted to hurt her? It’s not like I did this on purpose.” Matt sighed. 

“You spent a year acting like her knight in shining armor and then you tell her you don’t know if you’re still in love with Gabby?” Stella snapped. “I love Gabby but you’re a freaking idiot if that’s true.” 

“It’s not that simple.” 

“It actually is, Casey.” Stella half shouted. “It’s either Gabby or Sylvie, but you cannot have Sylvie and still be wondering about Gabby! Sylvie deserves so much better!” 

“Don’t you think I know that?”

“I get that you’re emotionally stunted and haven’t quite processed the divorce yet because you chose to ignore it, but it’s past time.” 

“Are you done yelling yet?” Matt replied calmly. “Because you aren’t telling me anything I don’t already know.” 

“I love you like a brother, Casey.” Stella sighed. “But if you keep hurting my best friend, I will punch you in the face.” 

“Stella.” Kelly’s warning lacked conviction; he wasn’t really worried about his girlfriend and his best friend’s argument. “Let it go.” 

* * *

Kelly knocked on Matt’s door, hours after Matt and Stella’s argument. 

“It’s open.” Matt was sitting on his bed, laptop next to him, and barely looked up when Kelly opened the door.

“I really wasn’t going to suggest cigars until you got your shit figured out because you’re kind of a buzzkill these days, but at this rate, who knows when that’ll be.” Kelly quipped. “So cigars on the roof?”

“Not really in the mood.” 

Kelly rolled his eyes. “Okay, let me rephrase that. Cigars, on the roof, ten minutes. It’s not a question.”

“Fine.” 

“Cool.” Kelly closed the door behind him before going into his room and opening the desk drawer to grab the box of cigars. 

“Cigars with Casey?” Stella asked. 

“Yeah.”

“Tell him he’s an idiot.” Stella laughed as she changed the channel to a reality TV show. 

“I think you probably covered that enough for the both of us.” Kelly rolled his eyes. “At least for one day.” 

“You know I’m right.” 

“I get that Brett’s your best friend, but he’s mine, you know. Whether I think he’s an idiot or not, he is.” 

“Yeah, I know.” Stella sighed. “Sorry, I’m just upset. They could be so happy, which is all I want for them. If he’d just... let the past go.” 

* * *

“Christ, it’s cold.” Matt grumbled as he stepped out on the roof, rubbing his hands together. “You couldn’t have suggested this before the sun went down? Would’ve been a lot warmer.” 

“I was letting you cool off after Stella accosted you.” Kelly laughed, picking up the bottle of whiskey he’d brought with him and filling the empty glass, handing it to Matt as he sat down in the lawn chairs they’d set up on the roof. 

“Whiskey and cigars?” Matt raised an eyebrow. “Tell me you aren’t about to try to get me to talk about my feelings.” 

“Nope.” Kelly picked up his own whiskey glass. “This is to help with the cold.” 

“Right.” Matt glanced at the box of cigars on the table between them. “Where’d you get those? Those are expensive.” 

“Remember that lawyer’s boat I fixed up over the summer?”

“The guy you called an asshole every single time you walked in the apartment after dealing with?”

“Asshole with expensive taste, apparently.” Kelly shrugged. “They were a gift when the job was finished.” 

The two of them sat in silence for ten minutes, drinking their whiskeys and smoking their cigars. 

“You wanna tell me why we’re sitting out here in the freezing cold with top shelf whiskey and two hundred dollar cigars?” Matt eventually broke the silence. 

“Just figured you could use it.” Kelly shrugged. 

“You’re not going to call me an idiot or try to get me to talk about it?” 

“I know you, Case. You’re already beating yourself up, I don’t need to pile on.” Kelly shrugged again. “And if you want to talk, well, that’s up to you. I’m not your therapist, it’s not my job to get you to talk.” 

“Maybe I  _ should  _ see a therapist. Get a professional to tell me what’s wrong with me.” 

“Probably.” Kelly laughed. “We probably all should. But if you just want to rant or to hear a very biased opinion, I’m here.” 

“Yeah? What’s your very biased opinion then?” 

“On what? You’re not lacking in problems and I’ve got opinions on all of them.” 

“Asshole.” Matt laughed. 

“If you want to know what I think, I think one of your best traits is the fact you’re fiercely loyal, and I think it’s that loyalty is also your weakness.” Kelly sighed. “I’m no therapist, but I think it’s probably because you’ve lost so many people, horribly and suddenly. More than most lose in a lifetime. So you’re loyal to those that are still here, even if they aren’t a part of your life still.” 

“How is  _ loyalty  _ a bad thing?” 

“It’s not, usually. I said it’s one of your best traits.” Kelly laughed. “But it can be a bad thing if it means you hang on to the past and let your misplaced loyalty keep you from moving forward.” 

“Who are you and what have you done with Kelly Severide?” 

“Shut up.” Kelly laughed. “Seriously though, you’re still holding on to someone that  _ left  _ you.” 

“Thanks for the emphasis on the fact she left me.” Matt grumbled. “As if I’ve forgotten.” 

“Well, she did, Matt. She left. Not just you, all of us. Without a goodbye, even.” Kelly snapped. “I think you, and Sylvie and probably most of 51, have a habit of putting Gabby on a pedestal, because she was, is, a force to be reckoned with, which we all know she is.” 

Matt didn’t reply, picking up his whiskey glass and topping it off. 

“I know Gabby’s great, but she has her faults and they aren’t small ones. She’s basically a bulldozer, which yeah, it’s great to be ambitious, but she sets her mind on something and she doesn’t pause to consider how it’ll affect anybody around her, even you. The minute you finally had a fight that  _ you  _ stood your ground and refused to let her have her way, what’d she do? She left the goddamn country.” 

“I think that might oversimplify it.” 

“Not really, but of course you’re going to defend her. Loyalty.” Kelly rolled his eyes. “You’ve always had problems letting people go, man. I know Gabby was a light in the darkness after Hallie died, but even with Hallie, you knew you two wanted different things and you kept falling back into that relationship, no matter how many times it ended.” 

“I guess that’s true.” 

“But ignore all that, okay. Is there any scenario where you can actually picture a future with Gabby? The future you’ve talked about wanting for literally as long as I’ve known you? A partnership, a family?” 

Matt tried to picture it, the way he used to envision his and Gabby’s future, then let out a deep breath. “No.” 

“Can you picture it with Brett?” 

“Yes.” He already knew the answer to that question; he’d already imagined it. More than once. 

“No pause or hesitation there.” Kelly chuckled. “Interesting. It seems like you’re torn over a decision you’ve already made.” 

“I’m not, really. I already know the answer of Gabby or Sylvie, it’s Sylvie. I’ve known that for a while. It’s the fact that when she asked me what I would do if Gabby came back, I froze and said  _ I don’t know  _ when I know. It wouldn’t change a thing.” Matt groaned. “I mean, why did I say that? What is wrong with me? Seriously, maybe I  _ should  _ see a therapist. I’ve clearly got issues.” 

“Maybe you should, that’s a decision you have to make. I can’t help you with that.” Kelly finished his whiskey and stood up. “But you should make sure Brett knows what you just told me while you’re working through your issues. The woman’s basically a saint, I’m sure if you ask for patience, she’ll give it.”

* * *

“Shit.” Stella mumbled when she opened her eyes and saw the clock; she’d forgotten to set an alarm. 

“What?” 

“Nothing, I just forgot to set an alarm to go to the store before Brett comes over.” Stella climbed out of the bed in a hurry. “She’ll be here at nine, can you let her in when she gets here? I’ll be back in like half an hour.” 

“Yeah.” 

Stella quickly found some clothes and got dressed, rushing out of the bedroom; she stopped in her tracks when she saw Matt sitting at the island, coffee mug in one hand and phone in the other. 

“Good morning.”

“Morning.” Stella glanced at the clock again. “I thought you were leaving by seven this morning.” 

“Client called and asked if I could come later. Something came up.” Matt shrugged. 

“Oh...so when are you leaving?” 

Matt shot his roommate a questioning look. “A few minutes. Why?” 

“Well.” Stella sighed. “Because Brett’s going to be here at nine and I don’t think seeing you is going to accomplish my goal of getting her mind off you.” 

“Oh.” The guilt had been a constant in Matt’s mind for the past two weeks, but the surges of guilt when he saw her or somebody mentioned Sylvie threatened to overwhelm him. “Yeah, okay. I’ll leave in a minute.” 

“You’re an idiot.” Stella leaned against the counter across from him. “You know that, right?” 

“Yeah.” Matt stood up to put his mug in the sink. “I’m aware.” 

“I say it with love.” 

“I know.” Matt grabbed his jacket and keys. “Have a good day.” 

“You too.” Stella sighed after the front door closed, grabbing her own keys and jacket after she was sure enough time had lapsed that she wouldn’t end up on the elevator at the same time as Matt. 

* * *

Sylvie hadn’t expected it to be Kelly who opened the door when she knocked, much less for him to be in his sweatpants with no shirt. “Oh, hi Severide.” 

“Hi Brett.” Kelly laughed, opening the door the rest of the way before grabbing his CFD hoodie off the coat rack to throw on. “Stella overslept, she’s at the store.” 

“Oh, okay.” Sylvie stepped inside, pulling her coat off. “Did she say how long she’d be?” 

“Half an hour, which in Stella time means... an hour, hour and a half? Make yourself at home.” Kelly shrugged. “Do you want coffee?” 

“No, thanks.” Sylvie replied, sitting down on the couch, and grabbing the remote to turn on HGTV. 

“Hey.” Kelly squeezed her shoulder from behind the couch before moving around it to sit down, sitting his coffee mug on the table. “How you holding up?” 

Sylvie glanced towards Kelly before looking back to the screen. “I must seem pretty pathetic if I’m getting pity from Kelly Severide instead of teasing.” 

“If there’s one thing I’d never call you, Brett, it’s pathetic.” Kelly laughed. “But if you prefer teasing to genuinely checking on how my friend is doing, I can do that.” 

“No.” Sylvie sighed, glancing again from the screen to Kelly. “I appreciate your concern, but I’m fine.” 

Kelly raised a disbelieving eyebrow. “Fine?” 

“Okay.” Sylvie forced a laugh. “I will be fine.” 

“I know you will be.” Kelly rubbed the back of his neck as he debated what to say next before sighing, reaching for the remote to mute the HGTV show Sylvie was watching. 

“Okay, that’s rude.” 

“This goes against all of my better judgement to get involved or even discuss this.” Kelly laughed. “But despite that and despite the fact Matt’s an idiot, I’m going to.”

“You don’t have to.” Sylvie sighed. “You don’t have to defend him, Severide. I know he didn’t mean to hurt me.” 

“I know that. I know you know Case would never deliberately hurt you.” Kelly stated. “That’s not what I want to say, and if you tell anybody about this conversation, I’ll deny it to my grave, which won’t be for long because Casey would probably put me in one if he knew I was talking to you about him.” 

“Okay.” Sylvie turned her body, so she was facing him on the couch, pulling her legs up to her chest. “You have my attention.”

“I’m sure you’ve noticed a few things about Casey. He’s loyal to a fault, he blames himself for everything, he’ll go to the end of the earth to protect and defend anybody he cares about, and he’s terrible at talking about his feelings, much less dealing with them.” 

“Not sure you have room to judge on that last one.” Sylvie quipped. 

“Shut up.” Kelly laughed. “Before I change my mind and shut up.” 

“Okay. Continue.”

“I know you said you think Matt’s still been in love with Gabby all this time.” 

“He told you I said that?” 

“Casey? Please.” Kelly laughed. “He’s hardly spoken the last week at all. Stella’s a gossip, at least when it involves our best friends, apparently.” 

“He’s barely spoken?” 

“Again, we’re talking about Casey here. He’s not usually a man of many words.” Kelly remarked. “Anyway, we’re getting off track here. You think he’s still in love with Gabby, don’t you?” 

“He didn’t exactly deny it.” Sylvie wasn’t sure talking about this to Matt’s best friend was the  _ best  _ idea, but what did she have to lose? It wasn’t like Kelly would repeat anything she said to Matt; he’d have to admit they were discussing him to do it. 

“I don’t believe for a second he’s still in love with her.” Kelly shook his head. “If he was still in love with her, he would’ve found a way to make it work. He doesn’t give up that easily. Some part of him knew she wasn’t the one, or he’d have followed her to Puerto Rico. Loving Chicago wouldn’t have stopped him.” 

“Then why would he hesitate?” 

“I could oversimplify it and go with Stella’s logic of  _ he’s an idiot, _ but instead, I’ll circle back to the loyalty thing. He’s loyal to a fault, and it means he doesn’t let people go, even if they’re bad for him or not even in his life anymore.” Kelly sighed. “If I was a therapist, I’d probably track that back to his parents and childhood. I know he didn’t have it easy.” 

“I know.” 

“He told you?” Kelly raised an eyebrow in surprise. 

“No.” Sylvie admitted. “I googled his mom after the whole billboard debacle during his alderman run.” 

“So you know what happened. Even before she killed him, I gather his dad was a bully and Matt was his favorite target, so maybe he learned to put up with a lot of bullshit from that.” Kelly shook his head. “God, when did I turn into  _ this _ ?” 

“You’ve grown up a lot these past few years.” Sylvie laughed. “But don’t worry, I won’t tell anybody about how much you secretly care.” 

Kelly laughed. “I appreciate that.” 

“Although, I gotta tell you, I think your whole bad boy rep has kind of lost it’s cred these past couple of years, anyway.” Sylvie shrugged, trying not to laugh. 

“Well, I still don’t want the reputation of being a big softie, which apparently I am, because I do care and I want to see Case happy, which I think you both could be, if you give him some time to work through his stuff.” Kelly paused. “I remember something you told me, right after you came to 51, about how if you quit giving someone a second chance, they quit having one. Maybe that applies here.” 

“Sounds like me.” Sylvie surprised him by throwing her arms around him in a hug. “I appreciate you talking to me about it. You’re a good friend, Severide.” 

“Yeah.” Kelly mumbled. “Well, I’m going to go work out or something that doesn’t involve talking. Stella should be back soon.” 

Sylvie laughed as Kelly stood up. “See you later.” 

* * *

“Okay, I’m sorry you’ve been waiting for me.” Stella exclaimed as soon as she stepped inside the apartment, seeing Sylvie on the couch. “But I promise it was worth the wait.” 

“I hope you brought junk food and wine.” Sylvie laughed. 

“Well, obviously... and tequila.” Stella laughed. “But I also brought something else.” 

“Like what?”

“Like me!” Emily exclaimed, stepping into the apartment, arms filled with bags from the store. 

“Emily!” Sylvie squealed, hopping off the couch; Emily barely got the bags down on the counter before Sylvie had flung her arms around her in a hug. “I’ve missed you.” 

“Missed you too, partner.” Emily laughed. 

“How’s school been?” 

“Oh, it’s fine.” Emily waved it off. “How are you doing?”

Sylvie sighed, sitting down at the counter. “I’m okay, I guess.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Emily leaned against the counter. “Or do you want to go full on distraction mode?” 

“I think distraction mode for now.” Sylvie chuckled. “Maybe after some wine, I might wanna talk about it.” 

“Okay.” Stella nodded. “I say we crank some music up, make these cookies you sent me the recipe for, and crack open a bottle of wine.” 

“Sounds great.” Sylvie agreed. 

* * *

“Is it bad we’ve gone through a bottle of wine at eleven in the morning?” Sylvie asked, picking up the empty bottle; the cookies were in the oven, and the three of them were crowded on the couch, the Bachelorette on the TV. 

Stella shrugged. “Special occasion.” 

“Exactly.” Emily agreed. “In fact, I think it’s time to open the second.” 

“I’ll grab it.” Sylvie stood up, heading towards the kitchen. “Where do you keep the corkscrew?” 

“Top drawer by the fridge.” 

Sylvie looked at the pictures on the fridge, focusing on the photo of her and Matt, sitting on the couch at 51 with Dusty, the cat they’d found for a victim of a house fire earlier in the year. 

“Stop staring at that picture and bring the wine.” Stella called from the couch, knowing exactly which picture Sylvie was staring at. “Come on, girl.” 

“I’m coming.” Sylvie laughed, popping the bottle open and grabbing a bag of chips off the counter. “Alright, turn the show back on.” 

“Okay, before I do that.” Emily grabbed the remote. “Have you had enough wine to talk about it yet, or do you want to keep drinking? Because I need details. All I got out of Stella was ‘things with Casey kind of blew up’ and that’s it.” 

Sylvie sighed as she threw herself down on the couch between her two best friends. “That about sums it up.” 

“Okay, but how?” Emily wrapped an arm around Sylvie’s shoulder. “If you’re up to talking about it, of course.” 

“Yeah, okay, let me just refill my wine.” Sylvie leaned forward to grab her glass. “Did Stella tell you about the crash and everything?” 

“Well, you texted me after the crash.” Emily reminded her. 

“Yeah, I might’ve left a few details out so I didn’t freak you out.” Sylvie admitted. “Stella knows all this, but before that, the psycho that drove us off the road had pointed the gun at us on a call and after that shift ended, when I went home, my apartment door was open.” 

“Wait, what? He was in your apartment?” Emily’s eyes widened. 

“Yeah. Well, when I got home and I saw the door was opened, I called Matt and -” 

“Okay, about that, I still cannot fathom why you called Casey and not the police.” Stella chuckled. “I mean, what if the guy had still been inside? Casey might handle himself in a fight, but come  _ on _ .” 

“I wasn’t thinking that rationally.” Sylvie admitted. “My first thought was to call Matt, and he ended up sleeping over - on my  _ couch _ , Em, pick your jaw up.” 

“I thought the same thing.” Stella laughed. 

“Do you want me to tell you the story or not?” Sylvie exclaimed. 

“Yes, continue. Sorry.” Emily laughed. 

“Anyway, he stayed over, and we had a great time, we played some games and stuff and I  _ thought _ a few times he was going to kiss me, but he didn’t.” Sylvie sighed. “And then the next shift, the crash happened. Man, it was all such a  _ blur _ . One second we’re going over the bridge, the next I’m climbing out of the Ambo and I just heard Matt shouting my name and I’m just thinking ‘how is he here?’ Like he was there  _ so fast _ . It wasn’t until we were trying to save the psycho I even realized everybody wasn’t with him, honestly, and I didn’t even really  _ think  _ about it until we were back at the house.” Sylvie explained. “I asked him how he got to us so fast and he tried to say everybody was there, that they’d just responded quickly, and it didn’t seem right but everything happened so fast that I thought maybe I just hadn’t noticed anybody else.”

“Wait, was it just him?” Emily turned her attention to Stella, who just laughed in response. 

“We were talking about how they were all there, and I blurted out ‘it’s always been you’ and he was just standing there looking at me like  _ what  _ and backtracked it, thanking him for being such a great  _ friend _ .” Sylvie resisted the urge to cringe at how awkward she’d been. “And then at Molly’s after shift, I thought he was being strange, like as soon as I got there he jumped up to offer to buy me a drink, and Gallo was there and he started telling the story about the crash to Tony and Capp, and I could tell he wanted Gallo to shut up, and then he was talking about how Casey  _ jumped  _ out of the truck while it was moving and  _ ran  _ towards the ambulance.” 

“He what?” Emily exclaimed. “The level-headed, calm Captain Casey? He jumped out of a moving truck?” 

“Literally jumped out and ran like a bat out of hell.” Stella smirked. “It was  _ something _ .”

“Yeah, it was  _ something  _ and sitting at Molly’s listening to the story, looking at Matt, it was a  _ moment _ . An intense one.” Sylvie sighed. “I basically ran away, coming up with some ridiculous excuse about meeting Olivia, and then avoided him the next shift.”

“Not even subtly, either.” Stella laughed. “Even  _ Kelly  _ noticed.” 

“Severide notices a lot more than he lets on, I think.” Sylvie thought back to her earlier conversation with him. “But yeah, I wasn’t subtle. He showed up at my apartment the next night asking why, asking if he’d done something wrong. I told him he hadn’t, and I was avoiding him, and then I kissed him.”

“And?” Emily encouraged, refilling Sylvie’s glass again. 

“And then I asked about Gabby and got the answer I was afraid of.” Sylvie sighed. “And I know nothing about the situation is simple, but when he said it’s complicated, I just… I asked him to leave. I wasn’t going any further when he wasn’t sure how he felt.” 

“Well, that’s… first off, I’m proud of you for sticking up for yourself and knowing your worth. That’s my girl.” Emily exclaimed. “And I’m really sorry he’s an idiot. You deserve the world, and if he doesn’t want to be the one to give it to you, then it’s  _ his  _ loss.” 

“I don’t think it’s that simple.” Sylvie had promised Kelly she wouldn’t repeat what he’d said, but he’d given her a lot to think about, and she needed to find a way to discuss what he had talked about without bringing him up. “The more I’ve thought about it, the more I think he’s just got a lot of stuff to work through, and I don’t really think I gave him the chance to explain his response, which the more I think about felt more like a knee jerk reaction to a question I think tossed him for a loop, like we went from making out on my couch to me asking him about his ex-wife and I think it was probably not the best way to bring it up but I know it’s for the best that I did before we went further.” 

“Okay, I barely followed that.” Stella admitted. “But what I got from that is that you think there might be a chance still? Because the other day you seemed pretty confident he was still in love with Dawson.” 

“I know, I know I did.” Sylvie sighed.

“What changed?” Emily asked. “Have you talked to him?” 

“Not really, no. We’ve talked a few times since that night but only briefly and I didn’t really give him a chance to explain even then.” Sylvie admitted. “I think I need to give him some time to work through his feelings, and give  _ myself _ some time to, I don’t know, calm down? I feel like I haven’t been able to talk to him since it happened without feeling that… heartbreak I felt when he said he didn’t know, and how it all made my insecurities about the whole thing worse, and I know I need to deal with that.” 

“I get giving him time, I do.” Emily remarked. “But on the other hand, I don’t want to see you sitting around waiting for him, putting your life on hold for him.” 

“I know, and I’m not going to, not forever, but I can be patient and give him some time.” Sylvie sighed. “Let’s talk about something else, please? Literally anything else.” 

“Yes, of course. We are here to distract and cheer up, not harp on the situation.” Stella exclaimed. 

“We can start the distracting with me telling you about this girl I’ve been seeing from one of my classes.” Emily laughed. “She’s so fun, but I think she might literally be crazy.” 

Sylvie laughed, grateful for her friends. “Okay, let’s hear all about it.” 

* * *

Matt could hear the laughter coming from inside the apartment before he opened the door, and he knew Sylvie was still inside; even muffled through the door, he’d be able to pick her laugh out. 

Hesitating with his hand on the doorknob, Matt considered just turning around and leaving; the only thing that stopped him was knowing he needed to shower if he wanted to go somewhere like Molly’s. 

He knew he’d be interrupting their girls’ day because he was home early; he was certain Stella’s plan was that Sylvie, or both of them, would be gone by the time he got home. 

With a sigh, Matt opened the door and stepped inside, the laughter coming to an abrupt halt; he watched Emily wrap an arm around Sylvie, ever the overprotective best friend, and Stella shot him a questioning look. 

“I thought you wouldn’t be home for a couple of hours.” Stella remarked. 

“I finished up early.” Matt shrugged. “I’m going to go shower, then I’ll, uh, get out of here.”

“You don’t have to leave your own apartment because of me.” Sylvie sighed. 

“Okay, well, maybe we could talk after?” Matt asked, shoving his hands in his pockets. 

“Yeah.” Sylvie nodded. “Okay. We’ll talk.” 

* * *

“Do you want me to punch him?” Emily had waited until the shower turned on in the other room to speak, a full five minutes after Matt had left the room; Sylvie had turned her attention back to the TV as soon as he’d left, but Emily and Stella had both watched her fidget with her watch as soon as he walked in, and she still was. “Because I don’t work for him anymore and I will be happy to do so.” 

“I appreciate your spirit, but no, of course not.” Sylvie laughed. “He’s not the bad guy here, nobody is. It‘s just a complicated situation.” 

“If you say so.” Emily exclaimed. “Although if you want to hurt him emotionally, I do know this really cute doctor that’s totally your type, tall and blond, and very single.” 

Sylvie shook her head. “I’m not interested in making him jealous.” 

“You’re just too nice.” Emily sighed dramatically. “Well, I better get going. I’ve got finals to study for, and frankly seeing him once without yelling was about the extent of my self-control.” 

Sylvie laughed as she stood up to give Emily a hug. “Thank you for coming today. I needed this time with my girls.” 

“Sylvie Brett, you  _ know  _ I will always make time for you.” Emily stated. “Always.” 

“I know, and I appreciate it.” Sylvie smiled. “I’ve missed you. Come to Molly’s soon, okay? See the whole gang.” 

“Yeah, of course.” Emily promised. “After finals.” 

After Emily said her goodbyes and headed out, Stella stood up. “Well, I’m on shift at Molly’s in an hour, so I’ll go change and grab Kelly and we’ll get out of here too. Give you too some privacy.” 

“Okay.” Sylvie nodded; she wasn’t entirely sure  _ privacy  _ was the best thing for them. She hadn’t been in the same room with Matt since their kiss where she didn’t want to kiss him again. 

Stella could sense her hesitation and sighed. “Look, if you want to get drunk afterwards, come down to Molly’s and drinks are on me.” 

“I might just take you up on that.” Sylvie laughed. “Thank you.” 

* * *

“Did Emily leave?” 

Sylvie startled at the sound of Matt’s voice and looked up from her phone; she’d been sitting at the island, waiting, killing time on social media. “Oh, yeah. Severide and Stella too.” 

Matt glanced at the empty barstool next to Sylvie before thinking better of it, leaning against the counter across from her. “I gather I’m not her favorite person these days, and I know I’m not Stella’s.” 

“They’re just… protective.” Sylvie shrugged. “They’ll get over it.” 

“I know, it’s good that you have protective friends.” Matt smiled. “Thank you for staying.” 

“Of course.” Sylvie smiled. “It’s probably past time we talk, well, actually talk. I know we’ve technically talked.” 

“Sylvie, I’m really sorry about that night.” Matt sighed. “I really didn’t respond well.” 

“You were honest.” Sylvie shrugged, trying to brush it off. “I’d always prefer honesty to trying to... spare my feelings, or anything.” 

“Yeah, but it wasn’t honest, I mean it was, but it was… more than that.” Matt sighed. “Look, clearly, talking about my feelings isn’t my strongest suit and we all know I’m not a big fan of it.”

Sylvie chuckled. “I know.” 

“But I’m trying, and when you asked about Gabby, I don’t know, I didn’t expect it, even though I should have, and it just  _ threw  _ me.” Matt ran his hand over his face. “And then you said how you thought I’d been in love with Gabby all this time… when I said it was more complicated than that, I did  _ not  _ mean that it was true.” 

“Then what did you mean?” Sylvie sighed. 

“I just… first off, I’m not still in love with Gabby. She’s in my past and that’s where she’s staying.”

Sylvie tried to rein in her hopes that spiked with his words because his tone screamed ‘but…’ and she knew he wasn’t done. 

“But I clearly have some stuff to work through, stuff that goes back further than her, and I think my relationship with Gabby was kind of a bandaid on a bullet hole.” Matt sighed. “And I ignored all that crap and focused on her instead.” 

“Okay…” Sylvie wasn’t sure how to respond to that. “I get that you have things you need to work on, but you don’t have to do it alone, you know? I’m here.” 

“I know.” Matt smiled. “But I think I need work on this myself before I can jump into anything with  _ us. _ ”

“Right, of course.” Sylvie nodded, looking down at the counter instead of him. 

“Sylvie, I need to figure this stuff out myself.” Matt hesitated before reaching across the island to touch her hand, causing Sylvie to look up. “So I can do things with us the right way, because you deserve that.” 

Sylvie let out a shaky breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding. “Okay.”

“Okay?” 

“You work on your issues, Matt. I’m not going anywhere.” Sylvie promised. “I want to do this the right way too.”

Matt smiled, pulling his hand away from hers. “I don’t quite know where that leaves us right now.”

Sylvie laughed, leaning forward to prop her chin on her hand. “Friends with complications? For now, anyway.” 

“Friends with complications sounds about accurate.” Matt agreed. “For now.” 

“As your  _ friend _ I have to say I’m proud of you, not only for  _ realizing  _ you have stuff you need to work on, which in itself is a big step, but for talking to me about it.” Sylvie smiled. “I know you hate talking about things. It shows a lot of growth.” 

“You want to talk about growth?” Matt laughed. “I called and made an appointment this morning with a  _ therapist _ .” 

“Really?” Sylvie laughed, eyes wide. “Wow. I really am proud, and  _ shocked _ .” 

“I probably should’ve gone to a therapist back in 1997 when everybody told me to.” Matt shrugged. “Better late than never?” 

“Yeah, I know plenty of people that would never go to a therapist. I don’t know why.” Sylvie sighed. “I saw one in high school for a while. It can be really helpful. There’s no shame in it.” 

“Honestly, it was talking to Severide that made me realize it wouldn’t be a terrible idea.” Matt laughed. “Ironic, because I’m pretty sure he’d rather have all his teeth removed without an anesthetic than go talk to a therapist himself.” 

“Probably true.” Sylvie laughed. “He really has been more talkative these past few days than the past six years.” 

“Did he talk to you?” 

Sylvie cringed, realizing what she had said. “We talked today, yeah.” 

“What did he say?” 

“Nothing, really.” Sylvie tried to downplay it. “But I did tell him I wouldn’t tell anybody about how he actually cares about his friends, so if you could just not mention that I told you we talked, I’d appreciate that.”

“Fine, I won’t mention it.” Matt laughed. “But maybe you should mention that we talked to Stella so she’ll stop glaring at me every time we see each other.” 

“I can do that.” Sylvie smiled. “She invited me to Molly’s, I think I should head down there. You wanna come?” 

“It’s been a long day.” Matt sighed. “I think I’ll skip it tonight.” 

“Okay.” Sylvie stood up, trying not to feel disappointed he wasn’t going; she hesitated before hugging him. “I’ll see you on shift, Matt.” 

“See you then.” Matt nodded. “Have a good night, Sylvie.” 

* * *

Sylvie walked into Molly’s, and once she saw it was just Stella, Kelly, and Mouch inside, took her mask off. 

“I believe I was promised a free drink?” Sylvie asked with a grin. 

“Coming right up.” Stella laughed as Sylvie leaned against the bar next to Kelly. 

“Thank you.” Sylvie bumped her shoulder into Kelly’s. “For earlier.” 

“Don’t mention it.” Kelly mumbled. “Literally, don’t mention it.” 

Sylvie laughed, moving to the other end of the bar to meet Stella and take the glass of wine from her. “Thanks.” 

“How’d it go?” Stella asked. 

“It was good.” Sylvie smiled. “And you’ve gotta let up on him, alright? We’re good.” 

“You’re good?” Stella exclaimed. “What does that even mean?” 

“It means he’s got some things to work through, and we’re friends.” Sylvie picked up her wine glass to take a sip. “For now.” 

“And you’re good with that? Friends?” 

Sylvie smiled. “For now.”

  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Out of all these things I've done,   
> I will love you better now.
> 
> Lego House - Ed Sheeran

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh lord. I have no idea how this got so long, lol. I wasn't even sure I wanted to do a part two. But here it is. Much longer than I expected, and also much later than I expected. The last couple weeks have been kicking my ass and I haven't had the time to write, so I'm glad I finally finished this.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!

“You know, most people’s idea of ‘taking small steps forward’ would be finding their own apartment.” Sylvie laughed. “Not buying and renovating a house.” 

Matt and Sylvie were sitting on the floor in the living room of his new house, Chinese food cartons in front of them, having spent most of the morning painting his bedroom, the last step before his move in day after their next shift. 

“I’m tired of renting and moving every few years. I’m not going anywhere. It was time to put some roots down in Chicago.” 

“I’m proud of you.” Sylvie smiled. “And I’m absolutely amazed by how quickly you got this place fixed up. I was sure it was going to take at least six months, now look at it. Barely four months and you’re ready to move in.” 

“I didn’t expect it to come together so quickly.” Matt laughed. “Glad it did, though. I need to get out of Severide and Stella’s space. They’ve become unbearable since they got engaged.” 

“Yeah, they kind of have.” Sylvie agreed with a chuckle. 

“You think they’re bad in public and at work, try  _ living  _ with them.” 

“I can only imagine.” Sylvie laughed. “I lived in the bedroom between Cruz while he was engaged, and Emily on the other side of the wall, though, so I can’t imagine it could be much worse than that.” 

“Fair enough.” 

“Okay, this is bothering me.” Sylvie sighed. “Are you sure you like the paint color in your room? I feel like I pressured you into it.” 

“What?” Matt laughed. “Of course not. You were right. The rest of the house is neutral colors, I should have a little color somewhere.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Sylvie, I asked your opinion, and it looks great.” Matt laughed. “I took your advice on a lot of things in this house, are you worried I’m questioning all of those?” 

“No.” Sylvie shrugged. “But it’s your  _ bedroom _ , it should be everything you love.”

Matt  _ did _ love the blue she’d helped pick out, and he loved that she somehow knew he would, even before he did. 

“Stop worrying about it because I love the color.” 

“Okay.” Sylvie smiled. “I’m glad.” 

“So, you got any plans for the rest of the day?” 

“Nope, not unless you’ve got any ideas.” 

“I was going to go do some shopping.” Matt shrugged. “Still need to pick a couch and kitchen table. And buy... pretty much every basic essential household item.” 

“Well, I do love shopping.” Sylvie laughed. “I’m happy to tag along.” 

“Well, I hate shopping, so that would be great.” Matt grinned. “Makes the whole experience more bearable.” 

* * *

After having spent the day helping Matt paint and shop for his house, Sylvie was pouring herself a glass of wine when her doorbell rang. 

She wasn’t expecting anybody, but her friends had a habit of showing up unannounced; she opened the door, surprised to see a stranger on the other side. 

“Hi! Can I help you?” 

“Are you Sylvie Brett?” The young woman asked. 

“Yes.” 

“I’m Violet.” She replied. “Matt Casey is my uncle. You’ve been emailing with my mom, right?” 

“Oh, yes. Hi, it’s so nice to meet you.” Sylvie laughed. “I just wasn’t expecting you to be so grown up, the way Matt talks about you.”

“Yeah, he likes to pretend I’m still twelve.” Violet smiled as she pulled an envelope out of her backpack. “I have the pictures you asked my mom for. She asked me to drop them off, said she wouldn’t have time before move in day.” 

“Oh, thank you so much.” Sylvie took the envelope from her. “And thank your mom for me, please.” 

“Oh, are you kidding? She was  _ ecstatic _ to have an excuse to go through all her photos.” Violet laughed. “She organized them in like, reverse chronological order, so the most recent ones should be on the top and the older ones further back. She’s a little overly organized.” 

“I’m the same way.” Sylvie laughed.

“I can’t stay, I’m meeting my boyfriend in a few minutes, I just wanted to get those to you.” Violet smiled. “It’s nice to finally put a face to the name we hear so much, though.” 

Sylvie laughed. “It was nice to meet you too.” 

“Yeah, I’m sure I’ll see you around.” Violet hesitated. “Honestly, you probably know Matt better than us, but I don’t know if giving him a box of family photos in front of everybody on moving day is the  _ best  _ idea. He might be a little better at it now, but he’s still not super big on talking about it.” 

“I know.” Sylvie replied. “I won’t.” 

“Okay.” Violet smiled. “Have a good night.” 

“You too.” Sylvie closed the door after Violet walked away, looking down at the envelope in her hand before setting it on the table. 

Sylvie sighed, sitting down; she’d gotten an empty photo album for his family photos, but going through them without his knowledge felt too invasive. 

She’d just put the envelope with the album, and he could do that, she decided. She’d already made another album with pictures she’d collected from various members of 51. She’d even framed some for him. There was one empty frame left sitting with the rest that she planned on putting a photo from Christie in. 

Violet had said the most recent pictures would be on top, so Sylvie opened the envelope long enough to find the most recent photo of Matt, his sister and his niece, which she could tell was from the past few months, then closed it back. 

Once she had framed the picture and put it in the box with the rest, her house warming gift was officially ready. 

* * *

Sylvie wasn’t sure Matt would still be at the house; she knew he had furniture deliveries coming that evening, but it was after seven and he could’ve already headed to the apartment. When she pulled up and saw his familiar truck parked in the driveway, she parked behind it and grabbed the neatly gift-wrapped box from her passenger seat. 

Ringing the doorbell once, twice, then a third time with no response, Sylvie frowned in confusion, carefully balancing the box on one arm to pull her phone out; she had a key that Matt had given her since she was always coming and going during the remodel, but she didn’t really want to let herself in unannounced. 

“Sylvie?” Sylvie spun around at the sound of Matt’s voice as he jogged up the driveway, pulling his earbuds out, obviously returning from a run. “What are you doing here?” 

Sylvie lifted the box in her arms up further. “I wanted to bring you this.” 

Matt raised an eyebrow, stepping around her to unlock the door. “Give me five minutes. I’m sweaty. There’s beers in the fridge if you want one.” 

“Okay.” Sylvie laughed, watching him climb up the stairs before opening the fridge; sure enough, beer was the  _ only  _ thing in the fridge. 

True to his word, Matt re-emerged less than five minutes later, hair wet from the shower, in sweats and an old CFD hoodie. 

“So, what’s in the box?” 

“A housewarming gift. I didn’t want to give it to you in front of everybody.” 

“You didn’t have to get me anything.” Matt smiled. “All the help you’ve given me with this renovation, I should buy you a gift.” 

“Hey, this has been a blast to help with.” Sylvie laughed. “It was like a HGTV dream come true. Now open the box.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” Matt laughed, pulling the wrapping paper off the box and opening it. “Photo albums and picture frames?” 

“Well, there’s pictures in the frames. I know you lost most of your photos in that fire, so…” Sylvie shrugged. “I asked around 51, gathered a bunch. There’s an envelope in there from your sister with some family photos.”

“My sister?” Matt looked up at her. “You met Christie?”

“I got her email from Severide and we emailed back and forth, but technically no. I met Violet when she dropped the photos off, though.” Sylvie explained. “I hope I didn’t cross any kind of line, I just thought... if I lost all my pictures, I’d be devastated. Just so you know, I didn’t look through the ones Christie gave me, I only opened it long enough to get a picture of you and her and Violet to frame, which was literally the first picture so I didn’t see the rest.” 

“No, of course you didn’t cross any lines. Honestly, this... this is incredible. I can’t believe you did this.” Matt surprised her by wrapping his arms around her in a hug. “I love it.” 

“I’m glad.” Sylvie smiled as he pulled away. “Well, I just wanted to give this to you because I didn’t want you to have to open it in front of everybody on Sunday. I won’t stay.” 

Matt hesitated. “You could. Stay, I mean. If you wanted to look through some of these with me.” 

“Really?” Sylvie had not expected him to invite her to go through the photos together. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” Matt promised. 

* * *

“Oh, my goodness.” Sylvie smiled, looking at a picture of Matt as a toddler. “How cute. Look at those curls.” 

“I just woke up one day and my hair wasn’t curly anymore.” Matt laughed. 

“I had curly hair when I was little too.” Sylvie shrugged. “Now if I braid my hair at night when it’s wet, it’ll go curly but other than that... gone.” 

“Of course she included this one.” Matt rolled his eyes at one of the pictures of him as a preteen. 

“What?” 

“You’re going to laugh.” Matt laughed. 

“Probably, but now I  _ have  _ to see it.” Sylvie grinned, and he handed it to her; she covered her mouth to hide her laugh as she looked at the photo of him dressed in a Luke Skywalker costume, Christie in a Leia costume next to him. “Oh, wow. I would have not guessed you were a Star Wars fan.” 

“The geek phase didn’t last long.” Matt laughed. “But yes, I was a Star Wars fan.” 

“Was punk another phase?” Sylvie laughed, picking up another picture, a slightly older Matt dressed in all black, looking pissed off. 

“I don’t know if I’d call it a punk phase. I was just pissed off at the world.” Matt shrugged. “Although, I did blast Green Day’s entire  _ Dookie  _ album a lot. Drove my dad crazy.” 

“Now, emo teenage Matt makes a  _ lot  _ more sense than geek Matt.” Sylvie grinned. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you mention a movie or a TV show in all the years I’ve known you.”

“I don’t watch a lot of TV.” Matt shrugged. “And I haven’t gone to a movie in years, unless someone else dragged me.” 

“Yeah, I kind of got that when I made a Tony Stark reference a few weeks ago and you asked who I was talking about.” Sylvie laughed. “I  _ will  _ get you to have a Marvel movie marathon with me one day.” 

“That’d take  _ several  _ days.” Matt pointed out. “And I’m guessing your favorite, like Stella’s, is Thor. I’m sure I know why.” 

“Actually, my favorite is Captain America.” Sylvie retorted, but she could tell his mind was already somewhere else, staring at the picture in his hand. “Is that your parents?”

“Yeah.” Matt nodded. 

“You don’t have to tell me anything about your parents or anything.” Sylvie reached over to touch his arm. “But if you ever want to, you know I’m here to listen, right?”

“This is probably the last picture of us all together. Christie’s high school graduation.” Matt sighed. “Things got worse after she left for college, and then mom moved out. A few months later, he was dead.” 

That was more than she’d heard him talk about his parents in the entire time she’d known him; over the past few months, he’d talked to her about a lot of things, but his parents were not among those things. 

“I haven’t even looked at pictures of him since then.” Matt shook his head. “I let Christie keep them all. I didn’t want them.” 

“Well, I get that.” Sylvie replied. “Not wanting the reminder. Everybody deals with trauma differently.” 

“Including  _ not  _ dealing with it for twenty something years?” Matt forced a humorless laugh. 

“But you’re dealing with it now, Matt.” Sylvie slipped her hand further down his arm to touch his hand. “And I’m really proud of you. I’ve seen how far you’ve come these past six months.” 

Matt nodded, turning his hand over so they were palm to palm, interlocking their fingers. “I used to not want to look at these pictures because all I could think of was all the terrible shit he did and how he died. I mean, I still think of those things. I know I always will. But I can remember some good times. The bad outnumbered them, but there were  _ some  _ good times. I think I’ve always focused on the bad.” 

“I’m sure it was easier to deal with that way.” 

“It was.” Matt sighed. “Besides, it’s easy to focus on the bad. He wasn’t a good guy, and he  _ definitely  _ wasn’t a good father.” 

“Which just makes you even more remarkable.” Sylvie barely resisted the urge to scoot closer and rest her head on his shoulder. “You’re  _ good,  _ it’s who you are to your core. That’s rare, even with good examples.” 

“Rare, huh? I thought you, the eternal optimist, thought most people were good.” Matt laughed. 

“You should probably talk to your therapist about how you can’t take a compliment and deflect.” Sylvie laughed. “And no. I think people are generally... not terrible. But  _ good _ ? Not like you are.” 

“Yeah, I’ll bring that up with him.” Matt chuckled, then glanced at his phone with a sigh. “It’s getting late. We should probably both call it a night since we’re on shift in the morning.” 

Sylvie looked at her phone in surprise. “Oh, is it really after eleven already? I guess you’re right.” 

“Thank you again, for all this.” Matt motioned towards all the pictures. “I really do appreciate it.” 

Sylvie waved it off as she stood up. “It was nothing, really.” 

“It’s not nothing.” Matt smiled. “You’re not so great with the compliments either, you know.” 

“I’ll work on that.” She laughed, pulling him into a hug. “I’ll see you in the morning.” 

* * *

“Good morning, Captain.” Sylvie smiled as she walked into the locker room. 

“Good morning.” Matt grabbed something from his locker, handing her the red sweater she’d left in his truck. “You left this yesterday.” 

“Oh, I didn’t even realize it was missing. Thanks.” Sylvie laughed before noticing Gianna at her locker. “Morning, Mackey.” 

“Morning.” Gianna smiled, closing her locker as bells went off for a multi-vehicle crash. “Sounds like it’s going to be a busy day.” 

“Sounds like it.” Sylvie agreed. “Let’s go.” 

Gianna waited until they were in the cab of ambulance 61 on the road before asking the question she’d been wondering about for months. “Okay, feel free to tell me it’s none of my business, but I gotta ask; what’s the deal with you and the Captain?”

“What’s the deal with you and Gallo?” Sylvie retorted with a laugh. 

“Absolutely  _ nothing _ . He’s too afraid of pissing Cruz off.” Gianna laughed. 

“Well, first off, Gallo being afraid of Cruz is  _ hilarious  _ on multiple levels.” Sylvie laughed. “Joe’s a teddy bear, the idea of somebody as fearless, borderline reckless, as Gallo being afraid of him is just ridiculous.” 

“You ain’t gotta tell me that. Tell that to Gallo.” 

“To answer your original question, the Captain and I are friends.”  _ Friends _ felt like an oversimplification, but it was technically true. “That’s it.” 

“Seriously? Because it seems like you’re literally always together.” Gianna remarked. “If you’re on shift, you’re usually hanging together. After shift, you’re at Molly’s, again hanging together.” 

Sylvie shrugged. “We’re really  _ good  _ friends.”

“If you say so.” Gianna smirked, although it faded quickly as they pulled up to the scene. “This really is going to be a long day.” 

* * *

The scene was chaotic; there were more than a dozen cars involved and it had the 90 freeway at a standstill. 

“He’s gone, Mackey.” Sylvie sighed. “We gotta move on.” 

“Right.” Gianna took a deep breath. “Of course.” 

“Brett!” Kelly shouted from a black SUV. “I need you over here.” 

“Coming!” Sylvie shouted before turning towards her partner. “Those two women over there seem okay, give them each a once over, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

Sylvie rushed over to the SUV; Kelly was at the passenger side, the door had already been pried off. “What do you need?” 

“She’s got a piece of glass in her side. It needs to be packed before I can move her.” Kelly stepped closer to Sylvie and lowered his voice. “She’s pregnant. The glass... I don’t know if that baby is okay.” 

Sylvie nodded, stepping up to the side of the car. 

“Hi there. I’m Sylvie. Can you tell me your name?” Sylvie grabbed the supplies to pack the wound from her bag. 

“Rose.” She groaned. 

“How far along are you, Rose?” 

“Eight months.” 

“Have you felt the baby move in the last few minutes?” 

“Once.” 

“That’s good. Just a few more seconds and we’ll get you out of here, Rose.” Sylvie tried to reassure her. “Okay, she’s all yours.” 

“We can take her once you get her out.” Violet Lin rushed over with a stretcher. 

“Okay, I’m going to find Mackey.” Sylvie was heading towards 61 where she could see Gianna checking somebody out. 

“Sylvie?” 

As she stepped closer, she recognized the man; Nicholas Winter, the realtor whose date invitation she’d turned down last year. “Nicholas? Are you okay?” 

“Seem to be, somehow.” He laughed. 

Sylvie looked to Gianna for confirmation. “Yep, just a superficial cut. Won’t even need stitches.” 

“I don’t know how. My car’s totaled.” He sighed. “Crazy.” 

“Life’s crazy like that.” Sylvie laughed. 

“It really is.” 

* * *

“Something you want to say?” Matt felt Kelly watching him as he put a couple of slices of cheese pizza on a plate to put away for Sylvie; Ambo had gotten another call right before the pizza had arrived. 

“Nope. Not a thing.” Kelly smirked. “Making yourself a plate for later?”

“It’s for Brett, not that you don’t already know that.” 

“What’s for me?” Sylvie asked as she walked in. 

“Oh, I was saving you a plate.” Matt smiled, handing it to her as soon as she sat down next to him. 

“Well, thank you.” Sylvie smiled. “God, what a day. I think this is the first time I’ve eaten today, but I honestly don’t remember. This morning feels like three days ago.” 

“It seriously does.” Gianna agreed, sitting down next to Gallo. “Was that freeway crash seriously just ten hours ago?” 

“Oh! That reminds me!” Sylvie turned towards Kelly. “The pregnant woman you pulled from the SUV is fine, so is the baby. They had to do a C-section, but they’re both fine. I checked in at Med when we were dropping someone else off.” 

“Good to hear.” Kelly remarked. “Thanks for letting me know.” 

“I hear moving day is coming up, Captain.” Gallo stated. “Do you need any help?”

“I don’t really have that much stuff to move.” Matt shrugged. “And most of my furniture is getting delivered tomorrow. There are a few pieces that have to be assembled. I’ve already roped Severide into helping, but I wouldn’t say no to more help.” 

“I’m in.” Gallo replied. 

“Yeah, I can help.” Ritter chimed in. 

“You’re both suck ups.” Kelly laughed. 

“Regardless of why, I’ll take the help.” Matt laughed. “Besides, more people means less work for us.” 

“Yeah, true.” Kelly agreed. “So if anybody else wants to suck up to the Captain by offering to help, now’s a great time.” 

“I’m not a suck up.” Gianna laughed as she stood up. “But I am happy to help, so I’ll be there.” 

Sylvie watched Gallo watching her walk away and leaned forward with a grin. “So when are you going to stop acting like a chicken and ask her out already? I mean, it’s literally obvious to everybody you like each other.” 

“Could say the same to you.” Gallo mumbled, leaning back in his seat. 

“What was that,  _ Candidate _ ?” Matt raised an eyebrow, trying to keep a straight face. 

Gallo sat up straighter in his seat. “Nothing, Captain.”

Sylvie laughed, interrupted by the bells going off. 

_ Ambulance 61, man down, unknown causes.  _

“That’s that bar down the street, isn’t it?” Gianna asked. “The one we responded to the fight last shift?” 

“Yep.” Sylvie sighed. “Let’s go.” 

* * *

_ Truck 81, crowd control. _

“That’s the same bar 61 was called to.” Matt jumped up as soon as the address came over the speaker. “Let’s go, 81.” 

The bar was only a few blocks from the firehouse, and Stella and Matt shared a look when they pulled up; it was obvious they weren’t following the state’s COVID guidelines of 50% occupancy. There was a game on, and people cared less about the rules the longer the pandemic went on, so it wasn’t surprising to any of them. 

“Everybody back up!” Matt led the group, pushing through the crowd; they finally reached Sylvie and Gianna in the crowd, leaning over an unconscious middle-aged man. “Brett, Mackey, you good?” 

“I’m fine.” Gianna shouted over the noise of the crowd. “Some asshole hit Brett.”

Matt leaned down next to Sylvie, noticing the cut over her eye. “Let me see.” 

“I’m fine, Matt.” Sylvie kept working on the man in front of her. “One of his idiotic, drunk friends thought I was hurting him.” 

“Who?” 

“It doesn’t matter. We need to get him out of here. We can’t get through the crowd.” 

“Kidd, Gallo, make a path and help get this guy out of here.” Matt turned his attention to Gianna. “Who hit her?” 

“Matt!” Sylvie snapped. “I’m fine!” 

“Cubs shirt, orange hat, black jeans, dragon tattoo on his arm.” Gianna pointed the man out to Matt. “He’s by the bar now.” 

Matt stood up as the rest of his crew helped get the patient out, shoving his way through to the bar. 

“You, shut this place down before I do.” Matt shouted over the noise to the bartender. “You are way over capacity and I can and will shut you down.” 

“I can’t do that. The owner will fire me.” 

“The hard way it is, then.” Matt rolled his eyes, grabbing his radio. “Guys, unplug the TVs. We’re shutting it down.” 

“Got it, Captain.” Mouch replied. 

“This bar is closed, effective immediately!” Matt shouted. “Everybody out! The police are on route if anybody tries to resist.” 

Matt spotted the man Gianna had described heading past him and grabbed him. “ _ Not _ you. You are waiting for the police.” 

Matt shoved him backwards against the bar before Mouch grabbed his shoulder. “Calm down, Captain. He’s not worth a Conduct Unbecoming charge.” 

“Did Brett and Mackey get the patient out of here?” 

“Yeah, they’re on route to Med. I told Brett to get the cut checked out. Doubt she’ll listen.”

“Yeah, I doubt it too.” 

They had cleared the bar out by the time the police cruiser pulled up. 

“Looks like you don’t need the assist anymore.” One officer stated as they stepped inside the bar. 

“We cleared the place. They were over capacity.” Matt looked at the bartender. “Way, way over capacity.” 

“Not the first time they’ve gotten in trouble for it.” The other officer replied. “Who’s that guy?” 

“He assaulted one of our paramedics. He’s all yours.” Matt turned his attention towards his crew. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

* * *

“Hey.” Matt was standing by the truck when Sylvie climbed out of 61; he’d used doing inventory as an excuse to be waiting for her when she got back. 

“Hi.” Sylvie heard Gianna hurrying away. “I thi-“ 

“Sylvie?” 

Sylvie looked towards the entrance, seeing Nicholas approach, hands in his pockets. 

“Oh, hi.” 

“Is this a bad time?” 

Sylvie glanced towards Matt, who took a step backwards. 

“I’ll see you inside.” Matt nodded. 

She waited until Matt was out of sight to turn back towards Nicholas. “Hi Nicholas.”

“I just wanted to stop by and say it was great seeing you today.”

“How are you feeling?” 

“I’m good, really.” He laughed. “Grateful. It could’ve been a lot worse.” 

“I’m glad you’re okay.” 

“So, I know I already asked you out once.” He smiled. “But seeing you this morning... I thought I’d give it another shot.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, but I’m...” Sylvie instinctively looked in the direction Matt had just walked, wondering what exactly to say. “I’m unavailable. Sorry.” 

“No need to apologize, I just thought I’d take a chance.” He smiled with a shrug. “Guess that explains that guy’s glare towards me before he walked away.” 

“Sorry about that.” Sylvie shrugged. “But yeah, that’s not personal to you.”

“I won’t keep you.” Nicholas smiled. “Take care of yourself, Sylvie.” 

“You too.” Sylvie walked into the firehouse and scanned the common room for Matt; he spent most of his free time these days in the common room. “Anyone know where Casey is?” 

“His quarters.” 

“Hey.” Matt stood up from his desk chair. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, it’s nothing, Matt. Just like I told you at the scene.” Sylvie sighed. “I think we need to talk about this.” 

“Uh.” He shifted nervously. “Okay.” 

“I didn’t want to deal with the stack of paperwork I now have to fill out over a minor cut.” Sylvie stated. “I told you I was fine.” 

“He hit you.” Matt sighed. “That’s not okay, he should be held accountable.” 

“He was a drunk idiot, Matt. He probably won’t even remember doing it tomorrow.” 

“In what way does that make hitting you okay?” Matt retorted. 

“It doesn’t, but now I have to fill out an entire report over something really minor. It’s not like this is the first time I’ve dealt with an aggressive crowd.” 

“It’s my job to keep my people safe, Sylvie.” Matt sighed. “It’s not just me being protective of you.” 

“I’m sorry, but I don’t believe that. It is personal. I know it’s your job to keep your people safe, I get that, but I’m PIC. It’s not your job to go over me. I can handle myself just fine.”

“I know that.” 

“You wouldn’t have insisted on filing a report if it was somebody else, and I get why it’s different.” Sylvie sat down on the edge of his bunk and he sat in his desk chair, turning around to face her. “We... whatever it is we are, it’s obviously different. I know you want to protect everybody in this house, but it’s not the same, and we have to keep our personal feelings out of our jobs.” 

“You’re right.” 

“I know you’re a protective person by nature, Matt, and I love that about you, most of the time.” Sylvie smiled. “But sometimes you lean a little further into the overprotective territory, and I don’t need you to protect me all the time. You trust me, right?”

“Of course.” Matt replied. “Always.” 

“So in the future, trust me when I tell you I’m fine. If I need help with something, you know I’d tell you. You’re always the one I tell.”

“Okay. In the future, I will trust your judgement and try not to be too overprotective.” Matt promised. 

“Thank you.” Sylvie smiled, then stood up. “Now, I think I’m going to go try to take a quick shower before the bells go off again. I smell like beer.” 

“Okay.” Matt laughed, then hesitated. “At this risk of sounding jealous right after being overprotective, who was that guy on the floor? Someone from the freeway crash?” 

“Nicholas, yeah.” Sylvie shrugged. “He’s a realtor. I met him last year, he helped Julie find her house.” 

“What’d he want?” 

Sylvie resisted the urge to smirk at Matt’s obviously forced nonchalant tone. “Well, he asked me out.” 

“Oh.” 

“I said no, just like I did last year.” Sylvie smiled. “It’s cute when you’re pretending not to be jealous.” 

“I’m not jealous.” Matt knew she’d see right through that. “Okay, maybe I was a little until you said you’d turned him down.” 

“You have no reason to be. The only person I have any interest in going on a date with is you.” Sylvie smirked before turning and walking away. 

* * *

_ Need any help at the house today?  _

Matt read the text from Sylvie while sitting in the waiting room at his therapist’s office; he’d had to rush out of the firehouse after a call had kept them out after shift had technically ended, so he knew she’d call or text him. 

_ Not really. Just going to be sitting around waiting for furniture deliveries and the guy from the internet company.  _ Matt followed his first text up with another.  _ About to walk into my therapist’s office. I’ll talk to you later.  _

“Matthew Casey?” The receptionist smiled. “You can go on back.”

“Good morning, Casey.” His therapist, Ellis, stood up to greet him as soon as he walked in. “How are you doing?”

“Fine, I guess.” Matt shrugged as he sat down in the chair opposite him. “Just getting off a long shift, but other than being tired, I’m fine.” 

“A rough shift or just a busy one?” 

“Just a lot of calls.” Matt sighed. “Well, I  _ might’ve _ gotten a little overprotective at one of them, that wasn’t a great call.” 

He raised an eyebrow; after almost six months of sessions, he knew the answer to the question before he even asked it. “Overprotective of who?” 

Matt shot him a bored look. “You already know who.” 

“I’m pretty sure I do.” He chuckled. “Humor me and tell me, anyway.” 

“Sylvie, obviously.” Matt sighed. “It was a call at a bar. Some drunk idiot hit her.” 

“And what did you do?” 

“Nothing. Well, I shoved him when he tried to leave.” He shrugged. “But I wanted to lay him out.” 

“The important thing is you didn’t.” 

“Wasn’t worth the headache of a conduct unbecoming charge.” Matt laughed. “Honestly, she’d have been pretty pissed at me if I’d done it anyways. She wasn’t thrilled that I insisted on reporting it.” 

“Did you talk to her about it? Afterwards?” 

“Well, yeah, we talked about it. She told me I was being overprotective and wouldn’t have insisted on reporting it if it was somebody else, which of course she’s right about.” Matt sighed. “I know she’s very capable of taking care of herself, she’s proven herself as an absolute badass repeatedly.” 

“So why do you think you still feel you need to protect her?” 

“Because I love her, obviously.” Matt stated. “I’m sure you have a more complex explanation.” 

“We’ve already discussed at length that you have certain tendencies towards a savior complex.” Ellis replied. “But in six months of sessions, that is the first time I’ve heard you say you love her.”

“I figure that goes without saying.” Matt knew he’d never said that he loved her out loud, to anyone, even if he thought it every day, which he did; he bit his tongue to keep himself from blurting it out to her on an almost daily basis. 

Ellis chuckled to himself, tapping his pen against the desk; a movement that reminded him of Kelly. “Captain Casey, the first day you walked into my office, I asked what had brought you to me. What did you say?” 

“That there was a woman in my life who made me realize I needed to work on myself before I could get into a relationship with her.” 

“And then I asked you what you felt you needed to work on. I wrote those things down in my notes.” He opened his notepad. “This is a little different from how I usually work, but let’s just go over this list, okay?”

“Okay.” 

“Blaming yourself for things you know are beyond your control and being overly critical of yourself.” He read the first line off his list. “This is no small thing, and likely something you’ll have to continuously work on throughout your life, but do you think this is something you’ve made improvement on?” 

“I think so.” Matt sighed. “It’s not something that’s gone away, but yes, I think I have.” 

“The next thing on your list. Dealing with facing the past, instead of ignoring it. How do you think you’re doing with that?”

“I’ve forced myself to, yeah. It’s not like I enjoy thinking about the past, even now.” 

“In my experience, most people don’t.” He replied. “But you’ve done it, anyway. Instead of suppressing it, you’ve forced yourself to think about your past, the good and the bad. I’ve seen it week to week, it seems to get a little easier for you. You don’t look like you’re ready to bolt out the door when I bring up your father anymore. Does it  _ feel _ easier now than it did six months ago?” 

“Yes.” Matt admitted, thinking back to the other night, looking through his family pictures, something he would’ve never done six months ago. “It is.” 

“And the thing you said you wanted most of all was to learn to be a better communicator and not bottle everything up.” 

Matt nodded. “Yeah.” 

“That’s something else you’ll probably have to consistently work on, because it is  _ incredibly  _ easy to fall back into the habit of not talking.” 

“I know.” 

“But you’ve made progress. You tried to reach out to your mother, even if you didn’t get a response. You told me how you’ve spoken to your sister about your childhood, about your father’s death, things by your own admission you’ve never really done before.” 

“I talked to Sylvie about it.” Matt admitted. “A little. The other night.” 

“ _ Progress _ .” He stated. 

“I assume you’re trying to lead me to some realization, but it might be simpler if you just tell me what your point is.” Matt chuckled. 

“My point is self-improvement and personal growth is a lifelong journey, but you seem to be in a much better place than you were a few months ago.” 

“I am.” Matt agreed. “I definitely am.” 

“Okay, so my question for you today is, how much progress do you feel you need to make before you feel comfortable starting a relationship with this woman?” 

“I don’t know.” Matt took a deep breath and released it slowly. “I just keep waiting, thinking one day I won’t be terrified, terrified I’ll mess it up somehow or it won’t work out.”

“It’s not really my place to give you advice, but that you came here to work on yourself first shows that you’re willing to put the work in on it, and from what you’ve said about her, it sounds like she is too, and that is half the battle of any relationship.” Ellis stated. “And in your line of work, I’m sure you, of all people, know fear isn’t always a bad thing, unless it makes you freeze. And I’m sure you also know that fear, it never goes away, but if you face it, it usually shrinks.” 

* * *

Ellis’ words were still rattling around Matt’s mind as he sat in his house, waiting for the guy from the internet provider’s company to finish up. Deciding to distract himself, he went upstairs to his bedroom, making the bed with the bedding set he’d bought the day before at Target; one less thing to do the next day. 

There wasn’t much left to be done in the house, just a few pieces of furniture to assemble, which he had half of 51 coming to help with, which meant it shouldn’t take longer than a couple of hours. 

As soon as the man left, leaving him with his new Wi-Fi password, Matt opened his laptop to connect it. 

He hadn’t expected to have his laptop beep with a video chat request almost instantly when it connected, and he  _ definitely  _ hadn’t expected it to be his mother. 

Matt hit the accept button, his mother’s face appearing on his screen. “Hi Mom.”

“Hi honey.” Nancy smiled. “Sorry it took me so long to get back to you.”

“It’s fine.” It wasn’t fine, but it was what he’d expected. “How have you been?” 

“Oh, fine.” She shrugged. “How are you? How’s Gabby?”

“I’m fine.” Matt had to resist the urge to laugh at how  _ ridiculous  _ it was that his mother didn’t know he was divorced, but he knew she knew nothing about his life the past few years; she didn’t know he’d been promoted, didn’t know he’d been a foster parent, didn’t know he’d lost everything in a fire. She didn’t know  _ him _ . “As for Gabby, I couldn’t say. We’re divorced, and she’s living out of the country these days.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I liked her.” Nancy remarked. “What happened?” 

“Irreconcilable differences.” That’s what the divorce papers said, and essentially, it really was that simple. “It doesn’t matter. It was over two years ago.” 

“Well, your voicemail said you wanted to talk.” Nancy changed the subject. “About what?” 

“I haven’t heard from you for a few years. I just thought it was past time we check in.” Matt shrugged. “My therapist thought it was a good idea.”

“Your  _ therapist _ ?” 

“Yeah, I have a therapist now.” 

“Why?” 

“Because -” Matt took a deep breath and exhaled to remind himself to calm down. “I have over twenty years of trauma and grief I needed to deal with.”

“Has it helped?” 

“I think so.” Matt sighed. “I’m in a good place right now, at least.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” 

“Why haven’t I heard from you in  _ years _ , mom?” 

“Phones work both ways, Matt.” 

“I tried, mom. When you left, I tried to call you, at least once a month. You never answered.” Matt snapped. “I got a text from you every couple of months, which turned into once a year on my birthday, which eventually stopped. I’m done being the only one that tries.” 

“Well, I don’t know what you want me to say, Matthew.” Nancy sighed. 

“I want you to tell me  _ why _ . I spent fifteen years defending you, visiting you in that prison, I sacrificed my relationship with Christie and missed so much of Violet’s life, for you, and for what?” Matt asked. “For you to get out of prison and  _ bail  _ the first chance you got? You left, and you didn’t look back.” 

“It doesn’t sound like you want an answer here, it sounds like you’re angry and want to take it out on me.” 

“I can be angry and still want an answer, mom.” Matt sighed. “And I  _ am  _ angry, yet there’s a difference between taking my anger out on you and trying to express my frustration.” 

“Fine!” Nancy snapped. “I left, and I avoided your calls because I know you’re better off without me. You always were.” 

“God, you  _ always  _ do that. You tried to make it sound like  _ you _ killed dad to protect me. You  _ left _ , you abandoned me and Christie, and again, you try to say it was for my sake?  _ No _ . You did it for you, just like  _ you  _ decided to take  _ my  _ key to dad’s house, you chose to shoot him, you did that, and yeah, I know he was a horrible person and he made you miserable and broke you, I know that, but  _ you  _ left! You got out, and you went back to that house that night by choice.” Matt knew he was ranting, but he didn’t care; he needed to say it, he’d wanted to say it for years. “It was a choice, and you chose to kill him.” 

“You’re making it sound like I’m some heartless monster. You know who he was.” 

“Did you  _ not  _ just hear me say I knew he was a horrible person? I know who he was, but I know who you are too, and you have a victim complex.” Matt took another deep breath to calm himself down. “I already blamed myself for leaving that fucking key sitting out, and then you told me you did it protect me, which just made me feel worse about it, but hey, if it makes you feel better, less guilty to believe you killed him because of how he treated me, I guess you don’t care how guilty it makes  _ me  _ feel, do you?” 

“That’s not fair at all, Matthew.” 

“I forgave you for what you did a long time ago.” Matt sighed. “But now I forgive myself. I’m done blaming myself for your choices.”

“I never wanted you to blame yourself for it.” Nancy sighed. “It wasn’t your fault. You were collateral damage between me and Gregory.” 

“I know.” 

“I really hope you’re happy, Matt, but I think it’s easier for you to be happy if I’m not around to remind you of the past.” Nancy disappeared from his screen after ending the call. 

Matt sighed, closing his laptop; that wasn’t how he had hoped his discussion with his mother would go, but he felt better, relieved, after getting what he’d been thinking for years off his chest. 

* * *

“Hey.” Kelly greeted Matt as soon as he walked into the apartment. “You get all your deliveries today?”

“Yeah.” Matt dropped his keys on the table by the door. 

“Do you need any help packing up your room?” Stella asked. 

“No, I’m all packed.” Matt shrugged, leaning against the counter. “It’s not like I had a lot to pack.” 

“We just ordered some takeout for dinner.” Stella stated. “Hope Chinese sounds good.” 

“Sounds fine.” 

“Cigars on the roof in the meantime?” Kelly asked. 

“I was just about to suggest that.” Matt laughed. 

“Aw, how sweet. What are you going to do when you don’t live down the hall from each other?” Stella smirked. 

“Shut up.” Matt laughed. “I’ll meet you up there. I’ve got to get a warmer jacket.” 

Matt walked in his room, looking around; aside from half a dozen boxes filled with his clothes, the room looked no different now that he had packed, since he’d never bought anything for the room. 

After finding his coat in one of the boxes, Matt climbed the stairs to the roof, finding Kelly leaning against the railing, looking out at the city. 

“Why is it always the coldest nights when we come out here?”

“It’s always cold at night.” Kelly laughed. “Or at least a solid seven or eight months of the year, but hey, now that you’ve committed yourself to a mortgage, it’s too late to start complaining about Chicago.”

“I’m not complaining.” Matt leaned against the railing. “I love this city.” 

“I know.” 

“I wanted to thank you, man. You let me crash here when I had nothing, and somehow that temporary situation ended up lasting over two years.” Matt chuckled. “I’m not sure I ever really thanked you in the beginning.” 

“Oh, shut up, Casey. You don’t have to thank me. You would’ve done the same thing, in fact you  _ have  _ done the same thing for me.” Kelly remarked. “No thanks necessary, man.” 

“Necessary or not, thank you.” 

“You’re welcome.” 

Matt glanced down at the cigar in his hand, then back out at the city. 

“You okay?” 

“Yeah, I’m good.” Matt lifted the cigar to his mouth as an excuse to pause. “I’m going to ask Sylvie out.” 

Kelly laughed. “Finally.” 

“I’m still terrified I’m going to mess it up.” Matt admitted. 

“You won’t.” Kelly shook his head. “I’m fairly confident we’ll be standing at your wedding in a few years.” 

“Let’s get through  _ your  _ wedding first and let me ask the woman out on an actual date first.” Matt laughed. 

“Says the man that has spent six months essentially building  _ her  _ dream house.” Kelly mumbled. 

“That’s not true.” Matt knew Kelly would see through his words because they lacked conviction. “I took her advice on a few things.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry, do you expect me to believe you picked that wallpaper in the downstairs bathroom? Or the backsplash in the kitchen? Or that you built a window nook in your bedroom, complete with custom bookshelves, for  _ yourself _ ?” Kelly smirked. “I can keep going. There’s a lot of things in that house that  _ scream  _ Sylvie Brett.” 

“Shut up.” Matt shoved his shoulder. “And I like those things myself.” 

“If you say so.” Kelly threw his hands up as if in surrender, barely holding back his laughter. “But since we’re here and you brought up my wedding.”

Matt raised an eyebrow. “Okay. What about your wedding?” 

“I think it goes without asking, but Stella insists I do, in fact, have to ask.” Kelly laughed. “So, I’m hoping you’ll be my best man.” 

“Technically, that wasn’t asking.” Matt pointed out. “But yes, of course.” 

“Good. Looking forward to returning the favor in a few years.” Kelly laughed before turning towards the staircase. “Now I’m going inside. Our food should be here.” 

Matt looked out at the city again before following Kelly inside; he really would miss the view this building gave them. 

* * *

Matt’s truck and Stella’s Jeep were already parked in front of the house when Sylvie pulled up, promptly at 7AM; tray of coffees in her hand, Sylvie was grateful when the door opened before she even knocked, Stella on the other side. 

“Oh, god bless you, Sylvie Brett.” Stella exclaimed. “Coffee.” 

“One Venti cold brew with hazelnut.” Sylvie laughed, handing her drink to her. “Where are the guys?” 

“Upstairs, cursing at the instructions to assemble the desk.” Stella sighed. 

“Do you mind grabbing the boxes of donuts from my car while I take them their drinks? They’re in the front seat.” 

“Coffee  _ and  _ donuts? I really love you.” 

Sylvie laughed, taking the stairs two at a time towards Matt’s home office. “I come bearing coffee.” 

“You’re a saint.” Kelly sighed, accepting the coffee cup she offered. 

“So how’s the desk assembly going?” Sylvie smirked at the crumpled up instruction booklet as she handed Matt his coffee. 

“Those are useless, I’m pretty sure I can figure this out easier on my own.”

“Well, if you say so.” Sylvie laughed. “I’ll go downstairs and wash up the new dishes and kitchen stuff. I’m not a big fan of building furniture.” 

“Thank you.” Matt laughed. “And thanks for the coffee.” 

“There’s donuts downstairs if either of you want any.” Sylvie laughed as she walked away. “You want to help me wash up his new kitchen stuff? I’m not  _ touching  _ that desk. They’ve already tossed the instructions aside.” 

“Yeah, sure.” Stella followed Sylvie into the kitchen. “Did you hear what time Gallo and Ritter and Mackey were coming? I forgot to ask.” 

Sylvie shrugged. “Nope.” 

“Wow, these dishes were definitely Matt’s choice, weren’t they?” Stella looked at the plain white dinnerware set. “All function. I’m surprised you didn’t convince him to go for something a little more... stylish.” 

“It’s not my house.” Sylvie laughed. 

Stella snorted. “Yeah, okay.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“It’s just... you have to realize how much of this house is your style.” Stella exclaimed. “You’re basically a married couple already, I’m sure he’s just planning for the future when this  _ is  _ your house too. I know you aren’t oblivious to that.” 

The doorbell saved Sylvie from having to respond, which she was grateful for; she had no idea what to say to that. 

“Hi!” Sylvie greeted Gallo and Gianna. “Come on in. Matt and Kelly are upstairs, trying to build a desk.” 

“I’ll see if they need any more help.” Gallo replied. 

“Oh, I assume they do. It didn’t look like it was going too well.” Sylvie laughed. 

Gianna joined Stella and Sylvie in the kitchen, leaning against the counter. “Wow, it really looks great in here. When he first showed everybody the pictures of this place when he bought it, I was like  _ yikes, _ but he really made it look amazing.” 

“Yeah, he did.” Sylvie agreed. 

“So…” Gianna grinned. “Blake finally asked me out.” 

“Really?” Sylvie smiled. “That’s great!” 

“I really did not think he would have gotten brave before the Captain.” Gianna laughed. 

Sylvie sighed. “Things with Matt are a little more complicated than  _ overbearing  _ Joe Cruz being an issue.” 

“I get that.” Gianna nodded. “Still, you’ve been dancing around it for a  _ while _ . I’m assuming before I got to 51.”

“Oh, a long time before that.” Stella stated. “I swear I’m more impatient for those two to get together than  _ they  _ are.” 

Sylvie rolled her eyes. “I very much doubt that.” 

* * *

“Are you hiding?” Matt’s voice caused Sylvie to look up from her phone, towards him in the doorway. 

“Maybe.” Sylvie laughed. “No, not really. I was just taking five from the gossip session the kitchen has turned into since Chloe and Emily have joined the party.”

Matt laughed, sitting down on the window bench next to her. “Yeah, I’m assuming I must be one of the topics up for discussion since they all immediately stopped talking when I walked in.” 

“Probably.” Sylvie grinned. “They were talking about Emily’s girlfriend when I left, but the topics move pretty fast.” 

“She still dating that crazy girl? What was her name? Elsa?” 

“Elisa, and yes.” Sylvie laughed. “First time I’ve ever known Em to date anybody for longer than two weeks, and she’s the wildest woman I have ever met.” 

“Well, she’d have to be quite something to keep Emily Foster’s attention for over six months.” 

“True.” Sylvie agreed. “I mean, she’s nice, even if she’s... unpredictable.” 

Sylvie sighed, turning her head to look out the window. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, of course.” Sylvie smiled. 

Sylvie didn’t want to admit that she was just a little jealous of her friends; Stella and Kelly were planning a wedding, Joe and Chloe were expecting a baby in a few months, Emily had a girlfriend for the first time in the three years she’d known her, and even Gianna and Blake were going on their first date. 

“You sure?” 

“Absolutely.” Sylvie chuckled. “I’m fine.”

“So.” Matt started, then paused. 

Sylvie turned towards him, sensing the nerves in his voice, watching him fidget with his watch. 

“You’ve picked up my nervous tick.” Sylvie smiled. “But why are you nervous?” 

“Because, in case you haven’t picked up on it yet, I don’t tend to be the smoothest around you.” Matt laughed. “At all. As has been pointed out to me,  _ many _ times.”

Sylvie raised an eyebrow. “Matt, it’s just me here. You don’t have to be smooth around me. Say what’s on your mind.” 

“Do you want to have dinner with me tonight?” Matt asked. “Like a date.” 

“Absolutely.” Sylvie smiled, leaning forward to touch his hand. “Tonight?” 

“I feel like we’ve waited long enough.” Matt grinned. 

“Fair enough.” Sylvie smiled. “Tonight.” 

* * *

By noon, all the furniture had been assembled and Matt was officially moved in; as everybody left the house, Sylvie followed Stella out to the car, grabbing her wrist to pull her aside. 

“What are you doing?” Stella laughed. 

“Matt asked me on a date.  _ Tonight _ . And I’m kind of freaking out now.” Sylvie whispered, not wanting to be overheard by Kelly or Gianna, both of whom were in earshot. 

“Why? You’ve been waiting for this for months.” Stella exclaimed. 

“Exactly!” Sylvie sighed. “Months of lead up leads to nerves. I just need you to come to my apartment later and help me figure out what to wear, okay?” 

“Of course. What time?” 

“Four?” 

“Okay. Four.” Stella laughed. “Relax.” 

Stella climbed in the Jeep with Kelly, who waved at Sylvie with a knowing smirk. Sylvie rolled her eyes before walking back into the house to get her stuff. 

“Congratulations on the house, again.” Chloe was hugging Matt as Sylvie walked in. “It looks beautiful.” 

“Thank you.” 

“I’ll see you next shift.” Joe waved at both of them, ushering Chloe out the door. 

“I wonder what Joe’s going to say when he finds out Gallo asked Gianna out.” Sylvie remarked. 

“He needs to calm down.” Matt laughed. “If they end up having a girl, he’s going to give himself a damn heart attack at some point.” 

“That’s what I’ve been telling him for months.” Sylvie smiled as she picked her purse off the couch. “I’m going to get going.” 

“I’ll see you tonight?” 

“Of course.” Sylvie grinned. “Looking forward to it.” 

“Are you sure you’re okay with me cooking here? I know you don’t like going out because we’re so exposed, but there’s plenty of places with patios.” 

“Matt.” Sylvie laughed. “Yes, completely. Besides,  _ you  _ offered to cook, and that’s not an opportunity I’m turning down. You never cook at the house.” 

“Being Captain has its perks.” 

“Well,  _ Captain _ , I’ll see you at seven.” 

* * *

Sylvie opened her apartment door in her robe, her hair wrapped up in a towel; she’d expected Stella, but Emily was a pleasant surprise. 

“Emily!” 

“I cannot  _ believe  _ I had to hear from Stella that Matt had finally asked you out!” Emily exclaimed. 

“I never got you alone!” Sylvie laughed. “But I’m so glad you guys are here. I have no idea what to wear.” 

Emily and Stella followed Sylvie through her apartment to her bedroom, both pausing in the doorway. 

“Oh, wow.” Emily had  _ lived _ with Sylvie and she’d never seen her room even slightly messy, much less with clothes thrown all over the place. “You need to calm down.” 

“Seriously.” Stella agreed, picking a dress up off the floor. “It’s Casey. You could show up in sweats and he wouldn’t care. The man adores you.” 

“Where are you going?” Stella asked. “What’s the dress code?” 

“Well, actually he’s cooking me dinner at his house.” 

“Oh.” Emily laughed. “Well, that’s... I didn’t know he  _ could  _ cook.”

“Casey’s a great cook... when he does it.” Stella chuckled. “His chicken parm is the best I’ve ever had in my life. Okay, so no dress code…” 

“Do you want to wear a dress? Or something more casual?” 

“If I knew what I wanted to wear, would half my wardrobe be on my floor?” Sylvie groaned. “I don’t know. A dress, I guess. Nothing too dressy, obviously.” 

Stella went to look through the rest of Sylvie’s closet while Emily sat down next to Sylvie on her bed. 

“Seriously, why are you so worked up?” Emily asked. “It’s Casey. You’ve spent practically every waking moment with the man for the past six months.” 

“I don’t know.” Sylvie sighed. “I guess I’m afraid it somehow won’t go well.” 

“You’ve gotta stop overthinking this.”

“You do. You both overthink everything.” Stella agreed, then held up a pink dress. “What about this one?” 

“No. I hate that dress. It’s so uncomfortable.” 

“Then why do you have it?” Stella mumbled. “But seriously, Sylvie, don’t stress. Everything will go  _ fine  _ and there’s no need to worry about it.” 

“You and Casey are both practically saints, you’re like absolutely perfect for each other.” Emily stated. “I have absolute faith everything will work out. You both deserve it.” 

Sylvie nodded absentmindedly. “Yeah.” 

“Okay, this is  _ the  _ dress.” Stella exclaimed. “This is perfect.” 

* * *

Sylvie checked her make-up in the mirror one last time, running her fingers through her curls, before climbing out of her car. Ringing the doorbell before shoving her hands in the pockets of her black trench coat, Sylvie took a few deep breaths to calm her nerves. 

When Matt opened the door, a smile on his face, a real, genuine smile Sylvie knew most people rarely saw from Matt Casey, all her nerves disappeared, and she smiled. 

“Hi.” Sylvie stepped forward, unsure if she was going for a hug or to kiss him until she reached him, reaching up for a kiss; soft and quick, pulling away before she could deepen the kiss and get carried away. 

“Hi.” Matt smiled. “Can I get your jacket?” 

“Yes, thank you.” Sylvie felt his hands on her shoulders as he helped her out of her jacket, close enough to feel his breath on the back of her neck, close enough to hear the sharp intake of breath when he realized her dress was backless. 

“Wow.” Matt grabbed her wrist to get her to turn around towards him. “You look incredible.”

“Thank you.” Sylvie knew her cheeks were flushed as she reached up to run her hand along the collar of his light blue button down dress shirt. “Not looking so bad yourself. I like this color on you.” 

“Noted.” Matt chuckled, sliding his hand up her arm, from her wrist to her neck, then the side of her face; Sylvie closed her eyes, instinctively leaning into his touch. Matt leaned down for another kiss. “I’ve been waiting to do that again for six months.” 

“I know.” Sylvie smiled. “Me too.” 

Matt sighed as the timer in the kitchen went off. “I better go check the food.” 

“It smells amazing.” Sylvie followed behind him into the kitchen. “What are you making?” 

“Chicken Parm.” Matt watched out of the corner of his eye as Sylvie pulled herself up to sit on the counter, causing the hem of her dress to ride up, and glanced away, distracting himself by grabbing two wine glasses. “Wine?” 

“Have I ever said no to wine?” Sylvie grinned. “If you’re making chicken parmigiana, what smells like cinnamon?” 

“Dessert.” Matt handed her a glass of red wine. 

“You never fail to surprise me, Matt Casey.” Sylvie laughed. “I have known you for a  _ long  _ time and I had no idea you knew your way around a kitchen.” 

“Well, growing up I spent a lot of time at my grandma’s, she lived just down the street so I went there a lot when my parents would fight, which was... most of the time, and she  _ loved  _ to cook. Her favorite place in the world was her kitchen.” Matt explained. “And she taught me pretty much everything I know about cooking.” 

Sylvie smiled. “That’s sweet.”

“Yeah, she was the best.” Matt smiled. “She died while I was at the academy, but I lived with her those few years after my dad died.” 

“Sorry to hear that.” Sylvie sighed. “Do you have any other family? I don’t think I’ve ever heard you mention anybody besides Christie and Violet.” 

“I’ve got an uncle somewhere down South, but I haven’t seen him since my father’s funeral. I think he has a few kids.” Matt shrugged. “Other than that, not that I know of. 51’s my family, they have been for a long time.” 

“Yeah, I get it. I mean, obviously I love my parents and my brother. I couldn’t have asked for better people to be adopted by.” Sylvie smiled. “But sometimes I don’t feel like they understand me at all. Maybe it’s because I left, and that’s not something many people do, and I think they all still expect me to come running back one day because I won’t be able to handle the city or something.” 

“Well, personally, I’m really glad you came to Chicago.” Matt moved to stand in front of her. “And I think you’ve proven, about a million times over, that you can handle just about any damn thing thrown at you.” 

“Thank you.” Sylvie smiled, slipping her arms around his neck as she kissed him again. 

Matt kept his hands resting on the countertop on either side of her, consciously avoiding touching her bare legs. 

“Okay.” Matt grinned as he pulled away. “If I keep getting distracted, something’s going to end up burnt.” 

“Am I distracting?” Sylvie tried to keep a straight face, aiming for looking innocent as she batted her eyelashes. 

“Very much so. Especially in that dress.” Matt smirked. “But dinner’s ready, so if you want to go wait at the table, I’ll be right there with the food.” 

“Okay.” Sylvie smirked, hopping down off the counter; feeling his eyes on her as she walked away, she looked over her shoulder at him. “Isn’t the point of me walking away so you aren’t distracted? Might be more effective if you aren’t watching me.” 

Matt laughed before looking away, focusing on the task in front of him. 

* * *

Time had flown by; neither of them were nervous, the way they’d both expected to be, and conversation had gone smoothly, filled with a lot of laughter, over dinner and dessert. 

“That was amazing.” Sylvie remarked as they sat down on the couch. “It’s no wonder you don’t cook for the house, everybody would want you to cook all the time.” 

“You don’t cook at the house either, and I know you can cook.” Matt laughed. 

“I can, and I enjoy it.” Sylvie reached down to unbuckle the ankle straps on her heels, kicking them off to the side. “But my least favorite questions are ‘what’s for dinner?’ and ‘when’s dinner going to be ready?’ so I like to cook when I want to, not because it’s expected of me.” 

“Understandable.”

Sylvie smiled, moving her legs on the couch, throwing them over Matt’s lap, reaching up to run her fingers through his hair. “Can I ask a question?” 

“Of course.” 

“Not that I’m not really thrilled about it.” Sylvie started. “But why not? What changed?”

“I guess I feel like I’m in a good place right now.” Matt smiled. “And I realized the fear would never go away.” 

“Fear?” 

“Fear that I’ll somehow mess this up.” Matt admitted. “But that fear, it’s only because this is important to me. You’re important to me.” 

“Do you think I’m not afraid of the same thing?” Sylvie smiled, reaching over to grab his hand. “I am, but it’s a risk I’m happy to take, as long as you’re ready to take it with me.” 

“I am. I’m ready to jump into this with you.” Matt promised. “And thank you, Sylvie. For being patient for these past six months while I worked through my problems.” 

“Of course.” Sylvie smiled, leaning over to kiss him. 

“You know, you’re not making it easy for me to be a respectful gentleman tonight.” Matt smirked, resting his hand on her knee. 

“What makes you think I want you to be?” Sylvie went in for another kiss. “The littlest little black dress I own wasn’t a clue of the very opposite?” 

“I just don’t want you to feel pressured or like I invited you here tonight for -”

“Matt.” Sylvie interrupted him with a laugh. “I know you didn’t invite me here  _ expecting  _ anything, and I know you’d never make me feel pressured to do anything, so stop being ridiculous, okay?” 

“Okay.” Matt’s smile shifted into something much more heated as Sylvie moved to straddle his lap, one of her hands going to his neck while the other went to his hair; Matt’s hands moved to her thighs, near the hem of her dress. “ _ Not _ a gentleman it is then.” 

* * *

“ _ Matt _ .” Her voice sounded breathy, even to her own ears. 

“Hm?” Matt’s lips were still on her neck. 

“As much fun as making out on couches is -” Sylvie gasped as his lips moved further down to her collarbone. “Let’s take this upstairs.” 

Matt pulled away to look at her face. “You sure?” 

“Oh god, yes.” Sylvie practically groaned. “Upstairs.” 

Sylvie climbed off his lap in what she knew was a rather ungraceful manner; she hadn’t taken more than three steps towards the stairs when she felt Matt’s hand on her wrist. 

“Wait.” 

She turned towards him to ask him, but before she could, he pulled her towards him for another kiss, lifting her off the ground; Sylvie got the hint, wrapping her legs around his waist. 

“You realize I’m fully capable of walking up a set of stairs, right?” Although, she would admit to being a  _ little  _ weak in the knees when she had stood up. 

“I do.” Matt smirked. “Maybe I just like having your legs wrapped around me.”

* * *

Sylvie was sure Matt was asleep when she tried to roll away, planning to slip out of the bed, until she felt his arm snake around her waist. 

“Don’t go.” His eyes were closed, a smile on his lips. 

“I’m not going anywhere, except the bathroom.” Sylvie laughed. “I’ll be right back.” 

“Okay.” Matt removed his arm from her waist, opening his eyes and propping his head up on his hands as Sylvie grabbed his dress shirt from the floor, pulling it on, watching her walk towards the ensuite master bathroom. “I admit that’s a view I don’t mind at all.”

Sylvie shook her head, laughing as she kicked the bathroom door closed behind her; Matt reached for his phone on the nightstand to check the time and to set his alarm for morning. Matt had barely sat the phone back down when the bathroom door reopened and Sylvie emerged. 

“See? I said I’d be right back.” Sylvie laughed. 

“As it turns out, I like the view of you walking  _ towards  _ the bed more than you walking away from it.” Matt smiled as Sylvie crawled back into the bed next to him, resting her head on his chest and laying her arm across his stomach. “Can’t we just call out of work tomorrow?” 

Sylvie smiled. “As appealing as the idea of spending the next three days in this bed sounds, it’s probably not the most responsible adult thing to do.” 

“Damn.” Matt laughed. “Being a responsible adult is really overrated.” 

“It really is, isn’t it?” Sylvie agreed. “But I think we can handle it for twenty-four hours, then we can come right back here for the next forty-eight, because I don’t have plans to be anywhere else.” 

“Sounds perfect.” Matt wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer. “Sylvie, I -”

Tilting her head to look up at him when he stopped talking, Sylvie smiled. “You what?” 

“I love you.” Matt blurted out the words he’d been forcing himself not to say for months. “I know it’s way too early in a relationship to be saying that, but -”

“Shut up, would you?” Sylvie smiled. “Long enough for me to tell you I love you too, anyway. I love you too.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! Now I can go focus on the Christmas fic idea I've had in my head since about Halloween, lol. 
> 
> As always, I can be found on Twitter and Tumblr as @atiredfangirl


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